Good morning world! It is nice to face the day without a puffy morning-after face and with hope in my heart. Will I drink today? I sincerely hope not. I asked for strength. And I believe God will give me what I need (not want).
So with that in mind, off I go to get coffee. Will check in later because you-know-who is planning an attack for later today. Maybe I need that knife shit to come out of my hands like Wolverine to fight it off. Or maybe not. Because I have strength from God. And a small circle of support rooting for me.
P.S. Wolverine is hot.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Friday, October 30, 2015
Day Two
Yes, I survived a day without wine. Onward to day two.
I am immersing myself in sobriety. I've subscribed to some of the sober blogs that I like, reading them is like booster shots. I'm going to bed early. And I like the suggestion of the replacement drink.
Because for me, some of it is about the ritual. I used to smoke about 20 years ago. I loved the ritual. Tapping the pack to get the cigarette out. Putting it in my mouth. Striking the lighter. Taking the first inhale. Blowing the smoke out. I just loved it.
In addition to the ritual, some of it was about associations. Cigarettes and coffee. Cigarettes and a drink. In my mind, these things went together. How could I do one without the other? How could a cup of coffee ever be enjoyable again?
Maybe this is the same thing. Based on some of the suggestions I have gotten, I guess it is.
The replacement drink. I looked on Pinterest and there are some gorgeous mocktails. I can have one of those when the witching hour arrives. So, I gotta get the stuff to make one. A faux margarita sounds delightful.
About the associations. I am a creature of habit. So, I have to do things differently. I like to drink when I take photos. So, no photos for now. I always come home from work and get on the computer with a glass of wine in hand. I need to do something else when I get home from work. Take a walk, read a book, definitely be in a different room. Different.
I am immersing myself in sobriety. I've subscribed to some of the sober blogs that I like, reading them is like booster shots. I'm going to bed early. And I like the suggestion of the replacement drink.
Because for me, some of it is about the ritual. I used to smoke about 20 years ago. I loved the ritual. Tapping the pack to get the cigarette out. Putting it in my mouth. Striking the lighter. Taking the first inhale. Blowing the smoke out. I just loved it.
In addition to the ritual, some of it was about associations. Cigarettes and coffee. Cigarettes and a drink. In my mind, these things went together. How could I do one without the other? How could a cup of coffee ever be enjoyable again?
Maybe this is the same thing. Based on some of the suggestions I have gotten, I guess it is.
The replacement drink. I looked on Pinterest and there are some gorgeous mocktails. I can have one of those when the witching hour arrives. So, I gotta get the stuff to make one. A faux margarita sounds delightful.
About the associations. I am a creature of habit. So, I have to do things differently. I like to drink when I take photos. So, no photos for now. I always come home from work and get on the computer with a glass of wine in hand. I need to do something else when I get home from work. Take a walk, read a book, definitely be in a different room. Different.
Day One Number ???
I am not sure which Day One this is because there have been many. Too many. So, instead of trying harder white knuckle style or just plain giving up again because it feels hopeless, I am trying something different.
I came across some blogs written by sober women and a few of them resonated with me. I actually email one of them (she said on her blog she was open to it). Yes, anti-social me. It appears there may be a world out there with people who can relate and who want to help.
My other attempts consisted mostly of me trying to talk myself into not drinking. Trying harder. Reminding myself of all of the negative consequences. Pushing past the noise the best I could. Making commitments to myself and other, not understanding that I had little chance of succeeding because there was no real game plan.
At Belle's suggestion, I am trying something different.
Here's the plan.
Today
I came across some blogs written by sober women and a few of them resonated with me. I actually email one of them (she said on her blog she was open to it). Yes, anti-social me. It appears there may be a world out there with people who can relate and who want to help.
My other attempts consisted mostly of me trying to talk myself into not drinking. Trying harder. Reminding myself of all of the negative consequences. Pushing past the noise the best I could. Making commitments to myself and other, not understanding that I had little chance of succeeding because there was no real game plan.
At Belle's suggestion, I am trying something different.
Here's the plan.
Today
- I committed to the 100 day challenge
- I signed up for Belle's class and will participate, not just lurk
- I am emailing another sober blogger who is open to pen pals
- I started this blog
- I read posts from a few sober blogs
- I poured out all of the wine and sent a photo to Belle
- I booked the first Skype call
About last night, I drank a shit ton of wine. Had snacks too. Once I get into the late night drunk, I want to binge eat. There was nothing in the house except for a couple of old pieces of pizza. They were kind of curled up like those pointy shoes. I microwaved them and ate them except for the crust. Nasty.
It took me a while to find a sober blog I could relate to because a lot of the ones I found, the bloggers were years into their sobriety. I wanted to find a place where people were coming together to work this out, a place I could connect to.
I really wanted to bring a lot last night. Once I was at the point where I was ready to go to sleep, I didn't want to because I wanted to drink more. So I laid across the bed to rest and get enough energy to drink some more.
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